NED BABY!!

     I haven't shared a blog in quite awhile. There are a few reasons for this. First of all, my last surgery left my right arm a bit debilitated. Typing wasn't on the top of my priority list of things to start trying to do. On the list were things such as putting on a shirt without crying, brushing my hair and teeth, showering. Eating. Necessities. Thankfully I have achieved each of these goals and then some. I have also learned to do a lot more with my left arm like picking up my babies. The other reason I have neglected the blog I'm afraid to admit is because of lack of motivation. It has affected other areas as well. Things that I usually enjoy. Cooking, reading, getting dressed up, cleaning. Yes, I actually usually enjoy cleaning! I have picked up The Help several times in an attempt to read it. After reading the first page about 12 times, I realized it was a lost cause. I am so blessed to have the support system I do. Thanks to my husband, mother-in-law, friends and especially my wonderful mother, the slack has been picked up. I have still missed my motivation. I miss me.

     Exhaustion is the hardest part of all of this. Even when I have gotten over a surgery or the pain, I am still left with tired. Just plain tired. Tired makes everything but rest less important. It is hard to explain to someone how you feel bad on the inside when you look completely normal on the outside. Even harder is remembering to explain it to yourself. To allow yourself to succumb to what your body needs. To accept the fact that I need a nap to function. That I can't meet every goal every day, even if it is just 2 loads of laundry. To be okay with the fact that I don't feel like cooking, again. I am learning. It's all about baby steps.

     My surgeon, Dr. Gonzales, removed 24 lymphnodes from my arm on my last visit to Moffitt Cancer Center in Tampa. A person usually has about 12 to 24 in this area. I have had a lot more pain than I expected but was assured that it was because of the large number of lymphnodes. The more that is taken out of you, the more pain. Makes sense. Once the drain fro this surgery is removed and everything is in order, I will begin treatment. Starting with radiation for about 3 weeks followed by immunotherapy with Interferon for one year. I am sure I will learn even more over the next year about how to listen to my body. I am told chronic fatigue is experienced in 80 to 100 percent of people who go through these treatments. I don't explain all of this to complain but to rejoice.

     Of the 24 lymphnodes that were removed, NONE were positive! Not one. The surgery before last, an ovary that I was told they were 99.9% sure was cancer came back benign. If I would have had melanoma on my ovary I was later told, I would have had a "very poor" prognosis. As of today I am considered NED (no evidence of disease)!!!!! I have been praying for this since I was diagnosed. The treatment is to give me a better chance of not having a recurrence which unfortunately I have extremely high chances of. And as my oncologists have explained, there are always those nasty unseen cells lurking around. But guess what? I have beat a lot of odds already! So I take on this next year and everything that comes with it because I believe that it will help me. And hope has a meaning to me that I have never experienced.

     On Friday I took 2 kids to doctors appointments, went to watch my sweet Audrey dance at a pep rally, and took Alex to a birthday party. Big day. On Saturday I cooked dinner for my family. Today I'm blogging. This week I plan to pick that book up again and actually get past the first page. Baby steps. I know the next year will be hard but I know I have people literally all over this world saying prayers daily for me. That is so empowering. I love my life and the people in it and I cherish each day more than I ever have. Do me two favors if you are reading this blog. Be thankful for every day that you have and every breath that you breathe. Life is a vapor. And continue to pray for me. I feel the love.