Baby Loves

     Tonight I want to talk about my kids. The three most important little people in my life. I have always known that I wanted to be a mother and it has been the single greatest thing I have ever done. I am so blessed and thankful to have these precious babies in my life. I also think that everything happens for a reason and depsite what other people may think about how young I was when I had my children, I am so grateful that things worked out the way they did. I could only imagine the devastation I would feel if I had gone itno this most recent surgery without having had my chidren already. If things had turned out any differently, I would not have been able to have children. Thank the Lord we actually got the best news possible and I only lost one ovary whose tumor was BENIGN! I have never had so many moments of pure revelation about God's hand and plan in my life than I have in the past month.

     My oldest child is Alexandra, we all call her Alex. She is so smart, sometimes too smart for her own good. She is dramatic and passionate, beautiful and sensitive. She fills our house with music (as basically anything she does in a day is easily translated into a song that she makes up as she goes along) and she is truly a great big sister to the 2 babies. She can be exhausting but her energy is also something our house would not be the same without. She is fully convinced that she is going to be a "famous pop star" when she grows up and is constantly tossing out ideas as to what the perfect stage name would be! She is full of life and she will always hold a special place in my heart because she made me a mommy.

     Jett is our middle child and at 2 and a half has proved that he is definitely all boy. He is rough around the edges but when you can pin him down for cuddle time, it is sooooo sweet. This is usually in the morning and then again at night when he starts getting sleepy but hey, I'll take what I can get. He does therapy twice a week and has learned so much just in the 5 months since we've been back in Florida. Although he is still working on speech, I can tell he is going to be incredibly smart as well. He loves to figure out how things work or are put together. He likes things to be a certain way. I love watching him learn new things every day. We tried for a year before becoming pregnant with him and he was my roughest pregnancy. But let me tell you this boy is worth every broken rib, early contraction, morning sickness, sleepless night and tear drop. Every single one.

     Last but not least is Scarlett Grace, aka Jonesy Bug, our 1 year old. Our "surprise" baby. Best surprise ever. I decided to continue the surprises by not finding out if she was a girl or boy and I didn't even know what her name was going to be until a few minutes after she was born. And she continues to surprise me every day. I don't know how our family existed without her before. Even at 1, it is already very clear what kind of personality she has. She is the sweetest, most smiley baby. She really does bring a great deal of happiness into our lives because her happiness is so contagious. She is cautious but once she gets to know you, she loves you and her loyalty is unwaivering. She is the chubbiest little thing and waited until just recently to start walking which I am convinced is because her legs are so fat that it took awhile for her feet to get strong enough to support them! She is the best little baby I know!

     There is no way I could ever put into words or fully express how much I love my children. Which is another reason why fighting is my only option. There is no way on earth that I would be able to look at their sweet little faces every day and do any less. It is one of the hardest parts of this whole thing. Worrying about my babies. I'm not allowed to lift them for 6 weeks. How do you explain to a baby that you can't pick them up? It's breaking my heart already. I still look normal on the outside to them and then out of nowhere treatment will begin to change me physically and certainly take a toll. I won't be able to do the things I have always done before. How do you explain that to a baby? Mommy is here but she's not really here like you're used to. So one of my most often prayed prayers is that they know how much I still love them. I pray that God fills in for me and that this is harder on me than it is on them. That their daddy and all of the other people around them who love them can somehow pick up my slack just for a little bit until I can be their supermommy again. It is just another one of the learning processes we will have to go through. Figuring out creative ways to be and do as much as I can for them even on my weakest days.

     So as cliche as it may sound, I hope this inspires you to cling to the ones that you love. To never take them for granted. Hold your babies often. You can never say "I love you" too much. You can never read too many story books, never sing too many songs. You can never take too many walks and certainly you can never, ever give too many hugs or kisses. I'm nowhere near perfect and I have fallen short in the past. Taken people for granted. Taken things for granted. It's never too late. Don't hold things that are important in. Just because you don't say something out loud, doesn't make it any less true. Love should be screamed from the mountain tops and especially children should hear it the loudest. I LOVE YOU ALEXANDRA, JETT, and SCARLETT GRACE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!