The "c-word"

      I have been thinking about starting a blog for quite some time. Trying to think of a clever name, the different things I would write about, will anyone even read it? On August 24th, I decided when I had a free minute, I was going to start this long overdue blog. Even if no one ever reads it, I believe it will be therapeutic for me. And the people in my life have made it too amazing not to share. The timeline of this blog may jump around a bit. I will eventually have to talk about how amazing my beautiful children are, how different people have come into my life, and stories that come to mind that may have happened long ago. All just pieces of the beautiful life I have been blessed with.

     August 24th started out like any other Wednesday. Getting my oldest daughter off to school, taking care of the babies, seeing my husband off to work, laundry, dishes, playing. Life. At around noon, I got a phone call from one of my dearest friends, Jodi. You will grow to know and love this lady if you read my blog. It was a devastating phone call. She had lost her baby. We had all been so excited about the newest member of our "family" to come. A precious new life to watch unfold. Another little sweetheart to add to our growing group of beautiful children. Needless to say it was a very sad moment. We cried together on the phone, I told her I was so sorry but I didn't know what to say. Nothing that would make it better. The phone calls started circulating between different friends. We were all coming together in a time of sadness to support our friend. None of us knowing what else this dreadful day still had lurking around the corner, waiting to rear its ugly head later in the afternoon.  Cancer. Yes, the "c-word". I know, I'm shocked too.

     Another phone call came at about 4:00. The phone call that would change my life forever. As if the day hadn't been sad enough, I now found myself trying to digest the words my doctor was saying to me. The room spinning around me while time stood still. The moment I began to feel as if I were living someone else's life. I have Metastatic Melanoma. I didn't even know what that meant. I needed to have more surgery and a PET scan. I could hear him but he couldn't possibly be talking to me, could he? The next thing I remember is crying in a ball on the kitchen floor as floods of my friends starting pouring into my house. I couldn't stand that day and so they stood for me. Another thing you will learn through this blog is that I am surrounded by what I believe to be the best support system anyone could ever imagine. The stories I have to tell will renew your faith in human compassion just as experiencing them have for me.

     Having cancer is obviously no walk in the park. I am currently classified as a stage 3 but was told by my oncologist that I will be classified stage 4 if the cancer has in fact spread to the areas that the PET scan showed. Any distant metastases automatically qualify you for stage 4. What a prize right? Many people have asked me how I have stayed so positive through this. And I know the answer. God, my family, my friends and even complete strangers have left me no choice but to feel encouraged, strengthened, and powerful. This is not to say that I am not human. I still have my hard days. Days where acceptance of this thing that has invaded my body is impossible. Days where I am crippled with fear. Days where I worry about my babies. Days when everything hits me like a ton of bricks all over again and I am brought to my knees. But I have learned that spending a lot of time there is the best thing I can do. And my good days have far out numbered my bad days because of all I am blessed with.

     Taking one step at a time, one day at a time is how we live our lives now. I know that there is a reason for all of this, probably more than one. I have already seen things happen as a result of this that I am amazed by. I know that my own life and outlook are forever changed. I hope that some of the stories I share through this blog will encourage someone else. For now, I am going to play with my kids!